Quick rant on the "Ally"-status
Feb. 10th, 2011 02:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
von_geisterhandA friend posted a link to an account of a woman describing her feelings at having been told that her sister is gay and the special bond she now feels with her, as well as some of the thoughts she had at now being an "ally" of her sister's.
I have the feeling that I might have said so before, but I really dislike the term "ally" in this institutionalised form. But maybe that is a matter of personal view.
Yes, you may find out new things about your friends, your relatives, your colleagues etc. and maybe it changes the way or some part of the way you look at them* but I really hate the way that this is then turned into "The person you thought you knew has become a totally alien creature. He/she can now see things you will never be able to dream of, but if you try really hard, you might become an Ally." Fuck that!
Yes, of course that person's POV on the world might be totally different from yours and in all likelihood you will never fully share that person's image of the world and that person's feelings but you know what? That's normal. That's the way it was before and that's the way it's now.
There is a quotation from Aldous Huxley in "The Doors of Perception" I think which basically said that as much as we try to pretend that there is society and there is community, in the end, we all experience life fully individually and on our own. By extension, we are all but allies to each others' lives, if you so will.
Formalising it into the "Ally"-terminology to me makes it feel like I am actually more separated from my friend than I was before, when I considered all the "duties, responsibilities and benefits of being an Ally" just normal aspects of being a friend.
(None of this changes the fact that I am very happy and slightly "Aww!" at Zara and Spectra's experience. 8^D )
*I know that I said elsewhere that the only time and the only circumstances I consider it correct and necessary to inform somebody else of whst particular gender-setup you normally get the hots for is in the run-up to getting jiggy (or not) with that person. That is not the only opinion I have on that subject.
The other thought I have on that subject is that I actually kind of want to know what floats the boats of those near and dear, but only in the sense that I consider it a part of the person they are and because I want to have as clear a picture of my friends as I can. But that's an facette/ piece of information about as important as "That's James. He likes strawberry jam.", not a stigma and not a label which exclusively defines that person.
I have the feeling that I might have said so before, but I really dislike the term "ally" in this institutionalised form. But maybe that is a matter of personal view.
Yes, you may find out new things about your friends, your relatives, your colleagues etc. and maybe it changes the way or some part of the way you look at them* but I really hate the way that this is then turned into "The person you thought you knew has become a totally alien creature. He/she can now see things you will never be able to dream of, but if you try really hard, you might become an Ally." Fuck that!
Yes, of course that person's POV on the world might be totally different from yours and in all likelihood you will never fully share that person's image of the world and that person's feelings but you know what? That's normal. That's the way it was before and that's the way it's now.
There is a quotation from Aldous Huxley in "The Doors of Perception" I think which basically said that as much as we try to pretend that there is society and there is community, in the end, we all experience life fully individually and on our own. By extension, we are all but allies to each others' lives, if you so will.
Formalising it into the "Ally"-terminology to me makes it feel like I am actually more separated from my friend than I was before, when I considered all the "duties, responsibilities and benefits of being an Ally" just normal aspects of being a friend.
(None of this changes the fact that I am very happy and slightly "Aww!" at Zara and Spectra's experience. 8^D )
*I know that I said elsewhere that the only time and the only circumstances I consider it correct and necessary to inform somebody else of whst particular gender-setup you normally get the hots for is in the run-up to getting jiggy (or not) with that person. That is not the only opinion I have on that subject.
The other thought I have on that subject is that I actually kind of want to know what floats the boats of those near and dear, but only in the sense that I consider it a part of the person they are and because I want to have as clear a picture of my friends as I can. But that's an facette/ piece of information about as important as "That's James. He likes strawberry jam.", not a stigma and not a label which exclusively defines that person.
